So I have to admit, I have been having myself a little bit of a pity party for the past few weeks – probably a bit more than just a “little” one. It all came crashing down on me today with yet another doctors appointment. Don’t freak out – I am ok - my body has just decided to fall into a slight state of disrepair ever since it turned 34 in January. Endoscopy x 2 (I have majorly sever reflux), Biopsies galore, more doctors appointments than you can shake a stick at to discuss all of it and it’s still not over!
I have recently discovered a family history of melanoma witch has turned me into a regular at the dermatologists office. My husband also has a family history so my poor children have been subjected to me having photos taken of every little blemish that pops up on them. My sister (my rock) had melanoma last year and is fine – thank you Lord! After my yearly appointment in January I received a not so great result from a biopsy which landed me this morning at a lovely plastic surgeons office to talk about removing a large chuck of flesh from my body. I was surrounded by a room full of the kind of women who appear to not have a worry in the world ( I attribute that to Botox) and there the pity party hit full swing.
Thoughts of “it must be nice to not be here for something like this” were creeping in. I am not an “it must be nice” type of thinker and I am not sure why it entered in, but there I sat trying to look distracted as I stared at my Kindle feeling my eyes sting a little with tears that I refused to let go of. Then I met the doctor – poor guy didn’t see me coming. He started telling me about the procedure and and I stared around the room looking at the sample breast implants on the counter and brochures about fillers and other chemicals that promise youth and beauty all I could think of is the ugly scar I will have to wear on my back for the rest of my life. Yep, I let a tear slip and it clearly took him by surprise. After an extra 10 minutes of reassurance that it will all be OK and that he will do all he can to keep me from looking like Frankenstein - I felt a little better and made the appointment for the procedure.
So here I have sat for the past hour starting several posts to tell you all about the best deals of the day and finishing none. I have volunteered you all as my therapists for the day . My usual “Suck it up” attitude had a crack in it today and I have sat here wondering why I have been so hard on myself about it? Sometimes you just gotta cry it out – maybe even ugly cry it out. Sometimes you just have to talk it out – or in my case, type it out.
So I will get to all the deals a little later in the day but for now I am going to wrap up my pity party, hang out with my girls and do some very therapeutic house cleaning
“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6